


burden

by civillove



Series: seblaine prompts from tumblr [118]
Category: Glee
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:27:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29309571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/civillove/pseuds/civillove
Summary: anon prompted: blaine being very insecure and fearing he's smothering sebastian since kurt made him feel like a burden. blaine angst.--Sometimes Blaine does this thing where he feels like he takes up too much space, and Sebastian can sense it. It’s not about something physical, even though for a while there Blaine seemed to be struggling with accepting his body too. It’s more emotional, mental—he’ll catch himself from saying something, or voicing a concern, or inviting Sebastian to something he cares about because he worries about being too much. About being a burden.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Series: seblaine prompts from tumblr [118]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/82780
Comments: 10
Kudos: 91





	burden

**Author's Note:**

> shout out to those who are respectful when asking prompts. x2 if you read my pinned fic schedule before sending anything in. ya’ll are the real MVPs <3333

Sometimes Blaine does this thing where he feels like he takes up too much space, and Sebastian can sense it. It’s not about something physical, even though for a while there Blaine seemed to be struggling with accepting his body too. It’s more emotional, mental—he’ll catch himself from saying something, or voicing a concern, or inviting Sebastian to something he cares about because he _worries_ about being too much. About being a burden.

And that’s just…well, ridiculous. It angers him on Blaine’s behalf because half the time he wonders _where_ Blaine Anderson went—the boy he met all those years ago with confidence coming out of his ears. It’s like Kurt took him as boyfriend and put him through a shredder, taking pieces upon pieces and invalidating what was left. Leaving a shell of who Blaine used to be, sharp fragments that sometimes prick the fingers if touched too often.

Sebastian’s working on smoothing those out.

\--

The theater world is far too small, even in a place as big as New York.

Sebastian _knows_ it stings when Blaine doesn’t get a specific part that he wants, especially when he loses it to someone like Kurt. Yeah, right, he repeats: to someone like _Kurt._ Sebastian can’t believe it himself. Clearly the judges or producers or whatever are tone deaf or enjoy cats screeching while someone sings but, whatever the case, he knows Blaine’s upset about it.

His boyfriend has worked so hard to put Kurt firmly behind him and all the issues that go with his ex relationship—and just when he least expects it, the past rears its ugly, sequined head.

“I knew I shouldn’t have auditioned that day,” Blaine says on the subway home, because he keeps going in-between periods of not mentioning it at all to talking about it in excess. And that’s fine, Sebastian will listen either way. “I was sick—I was coming down with that cold, remember?”

Sebastian nods softly, but it’s really not about him replying. It’s about Blaine being able to vent.

“I should have waited a few days, once my voice was better.”

Sebastian stands from his seat, walking towards the door to get off at their spot, “Blaine, I don't think it would have mattered. Obviously whoever selected Kurt is interested in subpar talent and terrible taste in clothing. They didn't deserve you.”

And while his words are kind and supportive, Sebastian can see Blaine clam up, his mouth snapping closed—because instead of feeling comforted, he mixes signals and assumes Sebastian is telling him to let it go. To move on. To stop talking about it.

He is very much used to being told to shut up.

But before Sebastian can do some damage control, Blaine puts a soft smile on his face, one that he’s used to pulling on like a mask. “Yeah, you’re right.” And even kisses Sebastian’s cheek before they exit the subway.

Sebastian sighs, biting down on his tongue. It’s not often that he finds himself not knowing what to say.

\--

In the days after that, Blaine seems better in the sense that he doesn’t seem to be thinking about the failed audition a lot. But when he does? It’s noticeable. It’s like his boyfriend is actively trying to make himself smaller, not talking to Sebastian even though he can tell he really wants to. And Sebastian tries not to lose his patience, because that’s the last thing Blaine needs—for someone to snap at him.

But he’s irritated.

Together, they’ve worked at making this relationship safe, honest, a place where they can trust one another, _talk_ to one another. And that was definitely something new for Sebastian. Blaine may be used to wearing his heart on his sleeve but he likes keeping things to himself. Sebastian never thought those roles would be reversed, seeing as how Blaine worked so hard when they first started dating to get Sebastian to open up.

So he knows that despite his frustration, he has to approach this in a way that won’t make his boyfriend feel bad about his feelings or about his hesitancy to share them. But Blaine also has to realize that Sebastian is not Kurt and he is willing to listen—about anything, always.

Sebastian leans against the doorframe of the kitchen, watching Blaine get himself a cup of coffee. He’s so beautiful in the morning, just out of bed, nothing but a pair of briefs and a long sweater. His curls are unruly and a tiny bit frizzy, skin warm from being slept on, hazel eyes tired but bright. Sebastian can’t stop himself from smiling slightly at the sight, wandering into the space and get his own coffee mug down as well.

“You alright?” Sebastian asks, gently touching Blaine’s curls.

Blaine hums, leaning up into the touch. “Yeah, m’just tired.” He yawns.

And while that might be true, Sebastian can see something linger right below the surface. He lets the morning settle around them for a few moments, stirring sugar into his coffee and adding a bit of creamer.

“You know,” Sebastian leans against the counter, “You don’t have to pretend with me, alright? You can talk to me.”

There’s a slight rigidness that appears across Blaine’s shoulder blades that he takes in stride, doesn’t budge, fiddles with his coffee instead, “I’m fine.”

Sebastian tilts his head slightly, trying to catch Blaine’s gaze and presses, just slightly, “I don’t believe you.”

That gauges a more honest reaction—annoyance, frustration, Blaine sighing as he turns to face his boyfriend and lift his coffee to take a sip. “What do you want me to say?”

“How bout the truth?” He asks, raising an eyebrow.

Blaine is rarely angry, that’s just not the type of person he is. He’ll get upset, sure, cry definitely. But anger that fizzles red hot, that burns? —that’s more Sebastian’s style. The taller watches his boyfriend carefully, seeing his emotions mixed with unsaid words build and build until he finally snaps,

“The truth?” Blaine scoffs, pairing it with a self-deprecating smile, “Okay, uh, how bout—I’m tired of putting myself out there, giving one-hundred and ten percent and not getting the same back?” He says in a rush, his voice raising an octave as he continues, “Or that I’m _angry_ that Kurt got a part that should have been _mine_.” He shakes his head, biting the inside of his cheek.

Sebastian sees his eyes start to shine, running out of steam fast, his voice choking, “Or that I feel guilty that I’m angry because I cared a lot about Kurt once, and he _never_ cared about me.”

And of course, this is about Kurt at the same time that it’s not because Blaine smothers himself with his own emotions until he pops like a shaken soda can. The pain in his boyfriend’s voice hurts Sebastian in the very center of his chest, until he can’t do anything else other than step forward and attempt to make it go away.

He takes the mug out of Blaine’s hands and sets it on the counter, wrapping his arms around the other’s waist. “I care about you.” Sebastian whispers, “Okay? I care.”

Blaine lets out a long breath that seems to shudder on the end, a hiccupping noise following as the tears come. His face pillows along Sebastian’s shoulder, fingers greedily digging into the material of his shirt, trying so desperately to ground himself as Sebastian holds him. The taller sighs gently, squeezes Blaine tighter when the sobbing begins, presses his nose and lips into his curls and allowing his eyes to close.

“You’re okay.” He mumbles against his skin, letting Blaine come apart but doing his best to hold him together at the same time. This was a long time coming—he just needs to let it out.

Once the brunt of it pasts, Sebastian pulls back so he can get a good look at Blaine’s face. His hand cups his cheek, running his thumb along the bone. Blaine sniffles, pink embarrassment splotching along his face as he avoids Sebastian’s eyes but leans into the touch.

“M’sorry.”

Sebastian quickly shakes his head, “No,” He says firmly, “Don’t apologize. You feel better?”

Blaine sighs softly before nodding, glancing up at his boyfriend, finally—hazel meeting green. “Yeah, thank you.”

The taller leans forward and plants a long kiss to Blaine’s hairline, “I know I’m not the posterchild for talking about my feelings but you’re the one who told me that I can with you. Don’t forget to give yourself your own advice.”

“I feel like that’s when it’s the most difficult.” Blaine chuckles wetly, running a hand through his curls.

“Can definitely agree with you there.” Sebastian smiles a little, picking up his cup of coffee again to take a sip.

Blaine presses himself up on his toes to place a soft kiss on the corner of Sebastian’s mouth, “I love you.”

There’s an explosion of warmth behind Sebastian’s ribcage, something that seeps outward into his veins like growing ivy. He hums and looks down at his boyfriend, leaning down to nuzzle their noses together, “I know,” He plays off but then adds, very seriously, “And I love you. Every part of you.”

And there’s a look in Blaine’s eyes when he smiles, an understanding—he believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading / leaving a comment or kudos :3 i really appreciate it! i'm over at blainesebastian on tumblr if you'd like to say hello!


End file.
